So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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