rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy