He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
33 Sex Crazed People That Are Going Balls Deep
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
21 Family Members Confess The Creepiest Things They Know About a Relative
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review