I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize