My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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