I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.