I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize