she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Come share oat with me in your robe
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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