she woke up with a sticky ear
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
