all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize