i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
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