i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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