matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
