Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
