The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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