I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
