actually, I'm a sock model
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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