Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
The air taste purple.
Randomize
