I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Everclear isn't food dammit
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
