I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
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She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
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My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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