Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize