This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
