one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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