My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.