There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.