Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
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I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.