We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
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we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
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Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.