She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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