Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
