you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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