is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Someone signed my nipple.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
