you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
