I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
