Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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