i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
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My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in