You smell like stripper and shame
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
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the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
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Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.