found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are