wrigley field is MILF paradise
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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