The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize