check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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