The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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