My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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