You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
