I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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