I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
