does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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