Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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