My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.