and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
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I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
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Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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