she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
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SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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