but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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