bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
