I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We're too hungover to prance.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
