It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
We named our party play list daddy issues
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
