I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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