pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize