I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize